Lucky for me this isn't that kind of...thing, then. I'll be there soon.
[With no promises this won't be weird. Because it already is. He's inwardly cursing this ridiculous arrangement he has made with Dorian. It has led to nothing but awkward encounters and people doing and saying things that make no sense to him in any context.
However, this is about more than that, which is likely why he's more dubious about any sort of success or resolution.
He arrives as comported as ever, onyx tie and kerchief, with a perfunctory knock.]
[Faith really is completely unsure what to expect here. Oddly she believes him that it's not some kind of trap. That doesn't really make her feel better though. The unease on her is probably palpable.
She opens the door, giving him a once-over. He still looked like him, so that hadn't changed. She steps aside still holding the door, giving him a sweeping gesture to come inside.]
[He inclines his head in thanks as he steps through the doorway into the apartment.]
That's one word for it.
[He turns to face her.]
We know more about each other than either of us should or would without the influence of this city. It's how I know what Miss Summers said is wrong, and it's why I believe she'll come around to that understanding in time.
[He pauses, his left eye screwing a little tighter than his right briefly.]
I can't...be the way you punish yourself anymore. That isn't who I am. I'm not saying I've turned over some new leaf, or that I'm secretly a good person. I haven't, and I'm not. I'm just...not that kind of bad. Or rather, I don't want to be, and I finally have some space to think about that. Not using it would be a wasted opportunity.
[Her hand is gripping the doorknob so tightly it's a miracle she doesn't crush it as he speaks. Whatever she suspected he might say, this is not it. She stares at him and is really wishing that she'd insisted on having this conversation over the phone rather than in person as she can also feel her cheeks flushing with the embarrassment.
But she can't refute him, as that's precisely what she's been using him for. As he'd said, he knows her better than she wished he did. When she speaks her voice is taught like a string.]
And what brought this change on? Burning alive? [Because, yeah, she'd seen that particular network post.]
[Her arms cross under her chest to keep them staying as fists at her side where they'd been awkwardly clenching.]
Yeah, well. I've never been too good at therapy.
[She looks skeptical about all of this. It seems genuine? Maybe? He wanted to better himself in some small way. Maybe that's a good thing. Yet it makes her feel worse about herself somehow.]
Is that all? If you're finished with this weird breakup, then you can go.
I'm not suggesting therapy. And I'm not...Jesus, it's not a...a breakup.
[There's something stark in the abrupt silence that falls. He should leave. It's the path of least resistance.]
Don't you just...Fuck. What I liked about it was knowing there was no expectation I'd be anything other than brutal and destructive and that's so easy for me to reach.
I saw that mirrored in you, and that you hated it. So it was easy to give it to you. Hate is something. Something real and visceral. Tangible. One of the very few things that still makes me feel alive. Ish.
Is it destruction or nothing? Having that in common? Because there's a wide swath of territory between holding hands and singing...whatever that song is. I don't recall the name. Or beating the shit out of each other and fucking.
So, what? Do you want us to be friends? Fuck buddies?
[She feels like she's going a little crazy, honestly. Faith wants to believe he's trying to be better in some small way because it would make this fucking shitshow of a city a little better. Yet she can't let herself trust this out of hand. She still hates him... or she wants to still hate him because it's easier.]
I need a drink. [Faith gives him a dismissive wave and walks toward her kitchen to go in search of a bottle and a glass.] I saw you defend me to Buffy. Was that part of your 'new leaf'?
I don't know. I've never really done friendship, not with vampires or with kine. And to be honest, unless there's some drug involved, I'm not that into sex.
[That part is more difficult to admit. Is this what embarrassment feels like? It's awful! He would like to be anywhere else, but that would be quitting. He's no quitter. He watches her walk away and stays put, raising his voice to carry.]
No, that was just...the truth. Like I said. You told me a lot about yourself. I know your feelings for her are complicated. Nothing you did here was an effort to hurt her.
She's...incredibly annoying. I do think she'll come around. She doesn't strike me as the grudge forever type, no matter how hard she wants to play it.
[He pauses and glances back toward the door.]
Not that it's my business, but I am a good judge of character. I've had time to observe people. Centuries of time. I've observed you enough to know whoever you were who did those things, you've grown since then.
[Faith looks honestly shocked when he says he's just not that into sex, staring at him just as she'd been about to unscrew her bottle of bourbon. She thinks back on all their encounters so far and it all starts to fall into place. Both times before the last she'd been drugged and he'd bit her. And that last time... well, that hadn't exactly been all that pleasant for either of them.]
Okay. So no to the sex then. Then I'm struggling to understand what you want from me here? And why you even bothered coming to tell me this in person? You said it yourself, you're still you. You're still a dick. So it's not like you want some kinda redemption sponsor.
[She pours herself several fingers worth of bourbon into her glass and tosses back nearly half of it in one go.]
Thanks for the vote of confidence. [Her tone is thick with sarcasm but also tired. She's not slept much at all since Buffy woke up from her coma.] No, I don't think she'll hold a grudge forever. But she's never going to trust me again. Not like she did. Even if I have changed. Some things can't be fixed.
Because that's a stupid conversation to have on the phone. I believed it was something we both deserved to hear and say in person.
[Because in some small ways he's trying to do better by himself, and in the process that sometimes means doing better by others.]
No. She won't trust you like she did. Whatever comes out of it will be more honest. Maybe messier. It usually is when blood is involved.
I'm going to say one more thing, and if you want me to go, I go, and that's it.
[He spreads his hands and drops them by his sides again.]
The fighting's not so bad. It's an outlet. It's not as... It doesn't tear both ways. I wouldn't mind if we still did that. Without the biting. I know what that does to you, and I... It's hard on my control in different ways. Bad ones.
[Faith doesn't answer straight away. It would be easier to reject the offer out of hand. Be completely done with him and having him out of her life entirely. One less complication. But having someone to fight that she could truly let loose on? Anyone else she fought here she'd hold back on at least somewhat. Because she didn't legitimately want to hurt them.]
I could use someone to kick the shit out of from time to time...
[Have someone to let loose her Slayer on since the battles here were few and far between.]
[This part is easier, more familiar, an effortless cockiness he doesn't have to reach for.]
Or I'll find you first. Glad we worked this out. Be seeing you.
[It's a relief, as he has few outlets of that nature himself. More so because the night at the fountain felt...dirty...in a way that left him uncharacteristically uncomfortable and doubting. This is cleaner. He closes the door behind him on his way out.]
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timeasmymeasure
Voice >> Action
Date: 2022-07-26 09:56 pm (UTC)[With no promises this won't be weird. Because it already is. He's inwardly cursing this ridiculous arrangement he has made with Dorian. It has led to nothing but awkward encounters and people doing and saying things that make no sense to him in any context.
However, this is about more than that, which is likely why he's more dubious about any sort of success or resolution.
He arrives as comported as ever, onyx tie and kerchief, with a perfunctory knock.]
no subject
Date: 2022-07-26 10:27 pm (UTC)She opens the door, giving him a once-over. He still looked like him, so that hadn't changed. She steps aside still holding the door, giving him a sweeping gesture to come inside.]
Whelp. This oughta be interesting.
no subject
Date: 2022-07-26 10:47 pm (UTC)That's one word for it.
[He turns to face her.]
We know more about each other than either of us should or would without the influence of this city. It's how I know what Miss Summers said is wrong, and it's why I believe she'll come around to that understanding in time.
[He pauses, his left eye screwing a little tighter than his right briefly.]
I can't...be the way you punish yourself anymore. That isn't who I am. I'm not saying I've turned over some new leaf, or that I'm secretly a good person. I haven't, and I'm not. I'm just...not that kind of bad. Or rather, I don't want to be, and I finally have some space to think about that. Not using it would be a wasted opportunity.
no subject
Date: 2022-07-26 11:51 pm (UTC)But she can't refute him, as that's precisely what she's been using him for. As he'd said, he knows her better than she wished he did. When she speaks her voice is taught like a string.]
And what brought this change on? Burning alive? [Because, yeah, she'd seen that particular network post.]
no subject
Date: 2022-07-27 12:39 am (UTC)[He resists the urge to rub at the bridge of his nose.]
When I arrived here, I was operating under a certain logic that doesn't apply in this place. Things have happened to make me realize that.
[And... There's the nose rub.]
I was doing the same thing you were. There are better ways to...manage all of that.
[Not that he knows exactly what they are. Knowing what they aren't is the first step.]
no subject
Date: 2022-07-27 01:57 am (UTC)Yeah, well. I've never been too good at therapy.
[She looks skeptical about all of this. It seems genuine? Maybe? He wanted to better himself in some small way. Maybe that's a good thing. Yet it makes her feel worse about herself somehow.]
Is that all? If you're finished with this weird breakup, then you can go.
no subject
Date: 2022-07-27 02:49 am (UTC)[There's something stark in the abrupt silence that falls. He should leave. It's the path of least resistance.]
Don't you just...Fuck. What I liked about it was knowing there was no expectation I'd be anything other than brutal and destructive and that's so easy for me to reach.
I saw that mirrored in you, and that you hated it. So it was easy to give it to you. Hate is something. Something real and visceral. Tangible. One of the very few things that still makes me feel alive. Ish.
Is it destruction or nothing? Having that in common? Because there's a wide swath of territory between holding hands and singing...whatever that song is. I don't recall the name. Or beating the shit out of each other and fucking.
no subject
Date: 2022-07-27 01:28 pm (UTC)[She feels like she's going a little crazy, honestly. Faith wants to believe he's trying to be better in some small way because it would make this fucking shitshow of a city a little better. Yet she can't let herself trust this out of hand. She still hates him... or she wants to still hate him because it's easier.]
I need a drink. [Faith gives him a dismissive wave and walks toward her kitchen to go in search of a bottle and a glass.] I saw you defend me to Buffy. Was that part of your 'new leaf'?
no subject
Date: 2022-07-28 03:30 am (UTC)[That part is more difficult to admit. Is this what embarrassment feels like? It's awful! He would like to be anywhere else, but that would be quitting. He's no quitter. He watches her walk away and stays put, raising his voice to carry.]
No, that was just...the truth. Like I said. You told me a lot about yourself. I know your feelings for her are complicated. Nothing you did here was an effort to hurt her.
She's...incredibly annoying. I do think she'll come around. She doesn't strike me as the grudge forever type, no matter how hard she wants to play it.
[He pauses and glances back toward the door.]
Not that it's my business, but I am a good judge of character. I've had time to observe people. Centuries of time. I've observed you enough to know whoever you were who did those things, you've grown since then.
no subject
Date: 2022-07-29 01:32 am (UTC)Okay. So no to the sex then. Then I'm struggling to understand what you want from me here? And why you even bothered coming to tell me this in person? You said it yourself, you're still you. You're still a dick. So it's not like you want some kinda redemption sponsor.
[She pours herself several fingers worth of bourbon into her glass and tosses back nearly half of it in one go.]
Thanks for the vote of confidence. [Her tone is thick with sarcasm but also tired. She's not slept much at all since Buffy woke up from her coma.] No, I don't think she'll hold a grudge forever. But she's never going to trust me again. Not like she did. Even if I have changed. Some things can't be fixed.
no subject
Date: 2022-07-29 02:23 am (UTC)[Because in some small ways he's trying to do better by himself, and in the process that sometimes means doing better by others.]
No. She won't trust you like she did. Whatever comes out of it will be more honest. Maybe messier. It usually is when blood is involved.
I'm going to say one more thing, and if you want me to go, I go, and that's it.
[He spreads his hands and drops them by his sides again.]
The fighting's not so bad. It's an outlet. It's not as... It doesn't tear both ways. I wouldn't mind if we still did that. Without the biting. I know what that does to you, and I... It's hard on my control in different ways. Bad ones.
no subject
Date: 2022-07-30 12:50 am (UTC)I could use someone to kick the shit out of from time to time...
[Have someone to let loose her Slayer on since the battles here were few and far between.]
no subject
Date: 2022-07-30 01:03 am (UTC)[This part is easier, more familiar, an effortless cockiness he doesn't have to reach for.]
Or I'll find you first. Glad we worked this out. Be seeing you.
[It's a relief, as he has few outlets of that nature himself. More so because the night at the fountain felt...dirty...in a way that left him uncharacteristically uncomfortable and doubting. This is cleaner. He closes the door behind him on his way out.]