( she confesses on the heels of Faith's own. and it's true for what they were at home; friends. and for what they had grown to be here; something Buffy had never given a title to. but she can say with absolute certainty what the feeling weaved into the unspoken label was; love. and why coming back here, knowing what had happened between them, hurt more than it did at home. )
We have a vibe? ( she snorts. ) Not that there's anything wrong with a vibe. I'm... I'm glad we have it because it's something. ( good. is implied. it means they really are better than what Buffy remembers.
all too soon the mood shifts. a cloud, heavy with all the future holds, settles over Buffy. dark and tempting. and the urge to open Pandora's box ━ to ask Faith to tell her everything, to leave nothing out no matter how much it'll hurt, is there. weighing on Buffy. suffocating.
in silence, she considers what to do. stomach twisting itself into knots as she thinks about her mom. Giles. Xander and Willow. Riley. wondering if they're all okay. but it's not like Faith telling her now will give her any sort of preparation for whatever comes next. not when she knows from experience that when they send people home, you don't remember a single thing about this place. which is unsettling on its own. add in the horror of a future you know is coming but can't change and well... her expression pinches and her gaze drifts to her lap.
there's the slightest shake of her head when she settles on what to do. then, when she speaks, her voice is soft, trying to quiet the screaming urge to know. )
No. It's better you don't tell me anything. No matter how much you know, it's not going to change things. Not for the better. ( she reasons, squeezing her hands together. swallowing. ) I'm not going to ask for any details. Even if you accidentally slip and let something out, you don't need to worry. I'll pretend not to have noticed. Or try to anyway. But I won't ask what you meant or to explain.
[Faith blinks, stunned to hear that Buffy wants them to have at least 'something'. The possible implications of why twist around in her insides and make her throat threaten to tighten.
The offer to tell Buffy everything lingers in the air and Faith feels the tension in her release when Buffy decides she's better off not knowing. It's good because there's so much that Faith doesn't want to tell her because she knows it will only hurt her. And Faith really doesn't want to hurt her. Never again. The stray punch in a spar didn't count. The kind of hurt that actually lingered.
Her hand slides from her glass, settling closer toward Buffy but not quite far enough to take her hand, still afraid to take that step, worried she might startle Buffy away like some wild animal that's allowed her close. Never mind that Buffy is the one who'd wanted this meeting in the first place. So maybe it's truly Faith who's the skittish animal.]
Alright, good. Then I don't have to worry if I slip up. [Faith manages a small smile and laugh.] Like if I accidentally tell you that Wesley actually gets to be kind of a badass and a little bit hot? [Which, honestly, is still a bit disconcerting for Faith still even now. Her smile turns into a playful teasing grin.] And I won't have to worry about any follow up questions...
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timeasmymeasure
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Date: 2022-10-03 02:43 am (UTC)( she confesses on the heels of Faith's own. and it's true for what they were at home; friends. and for what they had grown to be here; something Buffy had never given a title to. but she can say with absolute certainty what the feeling weaved into the unspoken label was; love. and why coming back here, knowing what had happened between them, hurt more than it did at home. )
We have a vibe? ( she snorts. ) Not that there's anything wrong with a vibe. I'm... I'm glad we have it because it's something. ( good. is implied. it means they really are better than what Buffy remembers.
all too soon the mood shifts. a cloud, heavy with all the future holds, settles over Buffy. dark and tempting. and the urge to open Pandora's box ━ to ask Faith to tell her everything, to leave nothing out no matter how much it'll hurt, is there. weighing on Buffy. suffocating.
in silence, she considers what to do. stomach twisting itself into knots as she thinks about her mom. Giles. Xander and Willow. Riley. wondering if they're all okay. but it's not like Faith telling her now will give her any sort of preparation for whatever comes next. not when she knows from experience that when they send people home, you don't remember a single thing about this place. which is unsettling on its own. add in the horror of a future you know is coming but can't change and well... her expression pinches and her gaze drifts to her lap.
there's the slightest shake of her head when she settles on what to do. then, when she speaks, her voice is soft, trying to quiet the screaming urge to know. )
No. It's better you don't tell me anything. No matter how much you know, it's not going to change things. Not for the better. ( she reasons, squeezing her hands together. swallowing. ) I'm not going to ask for any details. Even if you accidentally slip and let something out, you don't need to worry. I'll pretend not to have noticed. Or try to anyway. But I won't ask what you meant or to explain.
no subject
Date: 2022-10-09 02:49 pm (UTC)The offer to tell Buffy everything lingers in the air and Faith feels the tension in her release when Buffy decides she's better off not knowing. It's good because there's so much that Faith doesn't want to tell her because she knows it will only hurt her. And Faith really doesn't want to hurt her. Never again. The stray punch in a spar didn't count. The kind of hurt that actually lingered.
Her hand slides from her glass, settling closer toward Buffy but not quite far enough to take her hand, still afraid to take that step, worried she might startle Buffy away like some wild animal that's allowed her close. Never mind that Buffy is the one who'd wanted this meeting in the first place. So maybe it's truly Faith who's the skittish animal.]
Alright, good. Then I don't have to worry if I slip up. [Faith manages a small smile and laugh.] Like if I accidentally tell you that Wesley actually gets to be kind of a badass and a little bit hot? [Which, honestly, is still a bit disconcerting for Faith still even now. Her smile turns into a playful teasing grin.] And I won't have to worry about any follow up questions...