[Her arms cross under her chest to keep them staying as fists at her side where they'd been awkwardly clenching.]
Yeah, well. I've never been too good at therapy.
[She looks skeptical about all of this. It seems genuine? Maybe? He wanted to better himself in some small way. Maybe that's a good thing. Yet it makes her feel worse about herself somehow.]
Is that all? If you're finished with this weird breakup, then you can go.
I'm not suggesting therapy. And I'm not...Jesus, it's not a...a breakup.
[There's something stark in the abrupt silence that falls. He should leave. It's the path of least resistance.]
Don't you just...Fuck. What I liked about it was knowing there was no expectation I'd be anything other than brutal and destructive and that's so easy for me to reach.
I saw that mirrored in you, and that you hated it. So it was easy to give it to you. Hate is something. Something real and visceral. Tangible. One of the very few things that still makes me feel alive. Ish.
Is it destruction or nothing? Having that in common? Because there's a wide swath of territory between holding hands and singing...whatever that song is. I don't recall the name. Or beating the shit out of each other and fucking.
So, what? Do you want us to be friends? Fuck buddies?
[She feels like she's going a little crazy, honestly. Faith wants to believe he's trying to be better in some small way because it would make this fucking shitshow of a city a little better. Yet she can't let herself trust this out of hand. She still hates him... or she wants to still hate him because it's easier.]
I need a drink. [Faith gives him a dismissive wave and walks toward her kitchen to go in search of a bottle and a glass.] I saw you defend me to Buffy. Was that part of your 'new leaf'?
I don't know. I've never really done friendship, not with vampires or with kine. And to be honest, unless there's some drug involved, I'm not that into sex.
[That part is more difficult to admit. Is this what embarrassment feels like? It's awful! He would like to be anywhere else, but that would be quitting. He's no quitter. He watches her walk away and stays put, raising his voice to carry.]
No, that was just...the truth. Like I said. You told me a lot about yourself. I know your feelings for her are complicated. Nothing you did here was an effort to hurt her.
She's...incredibly annoying. I do think she'll come around. She doesn't strike me as the grudge forever type, no matter how hard she wants to play it.
[He pauses and glances back toward the door.]
Not that it's my business, but I am a good judge of character. I've had time to observe people. Centuries of time. I've observed you enough to know whoever you were who did those things, you've grown since then.
[Faith looks honestly shocked when he says he's just not that into sex, staring at him just as she'd been about to unscrew her bottle of bourbon. She thinks back on all their encounters so far and it all starts to fall into place. Both times before the last she'd been drugged and he'd bit her. And that last time... well, that hadn't exactly been all that pleasant for either of them.]
Okay. So no to the sex then. Then I'm struggling to understand what you want from me here? And why you even bothered coming to tell me this in person? You said it yourself, you're still you. You're still a dick. So it's not like you want some kinda redemption sponsor.
[She pours herself several fingers worth of bourbon into her glass and tosses back nearly half of it in one go.]
Thanks for the vote of confidence. [Her tone is thick with sarcasm but also tired. She's not slept much at all since Buffy woke up from her coma.] No, I don't think she'll hold a grudge forever. But she's never going to trust me again. Not like she did. Even if I have changed. Some things can't be fixed.
Because that's a stupid conversation to have on the phone. I believed it was something we both deserved to hear and say in person.
[Because in some small ways he's trying to do better by himself, and in the process that sometimes means doing better by others.]
No. She won't trust you like she did. Whatever comes out of it will be more honest. Maybe messier. It usually is when blood is involved.
I'm going to say one more thing, and if you want me to go, I go, and that's it.
[He spreads his hands and drops them by his sides again.]
The fighting's not so bad. It's an outlet. It's not as... It doesn't tear both ways. I wouldn't mind if we still did that. Without the biting. I know what that does to you, and I... It's hard on my control in different ways. Bad ones.
[Faith doesn't answer straight away. It would be easier to reject the offer out of hand. Be completely done with him and having him out of her life entirely. One less complication. But having someone to fight that she could truly let loose on? Anyone else she fought here she'd hold back on at least somewhat. Because she didn't legitimately want to hurt them.]
I could use someone to kick the shit out of from time to time...
[Have someone to let loose her Slayer on since the battles here were few and far between.]
[This part is easier, more familiar, an effortless cockiness he doesn't have to reach for.]
Or I'll find you first. Glad we worked this out. Be seeing you.
[It's a relief, as he has few outlets of that nature himself. More so because the night at the fountain felt...dirty...in a way that left him uncharacteristically uncomfortable and doubting. This is cleaner. He closes the door behind him on his way out.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
[He resists the urge to rub at the bridge of his nose.]
When I arrived here, I was operating under a certain logic that doesn't apply in this place. Things have happened to make me realize that.
[And... There's the nose rub.]
I was doing the same thing you were. There are better ways to...manage all of that.
[Not that he knows exactly what they are. Knowing what they aren't is the first step.]
no subject
Yeah, well. I've never been too good at therapy.
[She looks skeptical about all of this. It seems genuine? Maybe? He wanted to better himself in some small way. Maybe that's a good thing. Yet it makes her feel worse about herself somehow.]
Is that all? If you're finished with this weird breakup, then you can go.
no subject
[There's something stark in the abrupt silence that falls. He should leave. It's the path of least resistance.]
Don't you just...Fuck. What I liked about it was knowing there was no expectation I'd be anything other than brutal and destructive and that's so easy for me to reach.
I saw that mirrored in you, and that you hated it. So it was easy to give it to you. Hate is something. Something real and visceral. Tangible. One of the very few things that still makes me feel alive. Ish.
Is it destruction or nothing? Having that in common? Because there's a wide swath of territory between holding hands and singing...whatever that song is. I don't recall the name. Or beating the shit out of each other and fucking.
no subject
[She feels like she's going a little crazy, honestly. Faith wants to believe he's trying to be better in some small way because it would make this fucking shitshow of a city a little better. Yet she can't let herself trust this out of hand. She still hates him... or she wants to still hate him because it's easier.]
I need a drink. [Faith gives him a dismissive wave and walks toward her kitchen to go in search of a bottle and a glass.] I saw you defend me to Buffy. Was that part of your 'new leaf'?
no subject
[That part is more difficult to admit. Is this what embarrassment feels like? It's awful! He would like to be anywhere else, but that would be quitting. He's no quitter. He watches her walk away and stays put, raising his voice to carry.]
No, that was just...the truth. Like I said. You told me a lot about yourself. I know your feelings for her are complicated. Nothing you did here was an effort to hurt her.
She's...incredibly annoying. I do think she'll come around. She doesn't strike me as the grudge forever type, no matter how hard she wants to play it.
[He pauses and glances back toward the door.]
Not that it's my business, but I am a good judge of character. I've had time to observe people. Centuries of time. I've observed you enough to know whoever you were who did those things, you've grown since then.
no subject
Okay. So no to the sex then. Then I'm struggling to understand what you want from me here? And why you even bothered coming to tell me this in person? You said it yourself, you're still you. You're still a dick. So it's not like you want some kinda redemption sponsor.
[She pours herself several fingers worth of bourbon into her glass and tosses back nearly half of it in one go.]
Thanks for the vote of confidence. [Her tone is thick with sarcasm but also tired. She's not slept much at all since Buffy woke up from her coma.] No, I don't think she'll hold a grudge forever. But she's never going to trust me again. Not like she did. Even if I have changed. Some things can't be fixed.
no subject
[Because in some small ways he's trying to do better by himself, and in the process that sometimes means doing better by others.]
No. She won't trust you like she did. Whatever comes out of it will be more honest. Maybe messier. It usually is when blood is involved.
I'm going to say one more thing, and if you want me to go, I go, and that's it.
[He spreads his hands and drops them by his sides again.]
The fighting's not so bad. It's an outlet. It's not as... It doesn't tear both ways. I wouldn't mind if we still did that. Without the biting. I know what that does to you, and I... It's hard on my control in different ways. Bad ones.
no subject
I could use someone to kick the shit out of from time to time...
[Have someone to let loose her Slayer on since the battles here were few and far between.]
no subject
[This part is easier, more familiar, an effortless cockiness he doesn't have to reach for.]
Or I'll find you first. Glad we worked this out. Be seeing you.
[It's a relief, as he has few outlets of that nature himself. More so because the night at the fountain felt...dirty...in a way that left him uncharacteristically uncomfortable and doubting. This is cleaner. He closes the door behind him on his way out.]