[She shakes her head because she knows she doesn't have a good reason. Faith cracks her knuckles, shifting a bit uncomfortably.] I... I hated her. Everything she had that I didn't. I was in a dark place. And I felt like she didn't care about me, tossed me aside the moment I messed up. So I just kept digging myself deeper. So deep I couldn't climb out.
I was working for someone who wanted to see her suffer too and he-- [She curses under her breath.] He was nice to me so I was willing to do almost anything. He treated me like a daughter. I knew he was evil, but I didn't care. [She's certain she's making no sense at all.]
I also-- I wanted her to come after me. I wanted her to kill me. It felt like what I deserved. My only way out.
[ The circumstances aren't ones Jon has ever lived. They take place in a world far different from his own. His world is very black and white in what is right and wrong and the consequences of both. It's harsh in its judgement. He listens, and there isn't judgement. He's made friends with many who were once his enemies. He has done horrible things himself even if they were considered the 'right' thing, and in the future, he's going to do something more horrible.
He is familiar with wanting to die. It's the way he felt after he came back to life while being terrified of death in a way he never had been before. He didn't belong with the living. Still it hurts to think she could be in a place so dark. ]
It looked like she had. [ killed her. he drops his gaze and then lifts it again slowly. ] ...but you found another way out? [ From what he knows of her now, she's not the same person she describes in this memory. ]
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timeasmymeasure
cw: suicidal ideation
Date: 2020-12-24 12:36 am (UTC)I was working for someone who wanted to see her suffer too and he-- [She curses under her breath.] He was nice to me so I was willing to do almost anything. He treated me like a daughter. I knew he was evil, but I didn't care. [She's certain she's making no sense at all.]
I also-- I wanted her to come after me. I wanted her to kill me. It felt like what I deserved. My only way out.
cw: suicidal ideation
Date: 2020-12-24 01:30 am (UTC)He is familiar with wanting to die. It's the way he felt after he came back to life while being terrified of death in a way he never had been before. He didn't belong with the living. Still it hurts to think she could be in a place so dark. ]
It looked like she had. [ killed her. he drops his gaze and then lifts it again slowly. ] ...but you found another way out? [ From what he knows of her now, she's not the same person she describes in this memory. ]