rockypath | Duplicity IC Inbox

I'm sorry. That must be very difficult for you.

yeah. more than.
but it's fine.
i'll be fine.

Would you like some company?

Only if you're not busy.
And you bring Dief.

Certainly. Are you at the Backdoor?

yeah. on the roof patio.

I'll be there shortly. Would you like something to eat?

No. That's okay.
I'm not that hungry.

Understood.

[ He'll be there within about half an hour, with Dief at his side. ]

[He'll find her on the roof patio swinging on the hammock, a half-drank bottle of beer in hand. But she does sit up to lean over to give Diefenbaker a hug and scritch around the ears. But it's clear she's subdued and very much not as fine as she'd claimed as she glances up at Benton.]

Hey, you.

Hi.

[ He comes over and sits next to her even though it's a hammock so they have to squish. He puts his arm around her. ]

Is this okay?

[She tenses at first, like she's not entirely sure that it is fine, but finally leans into him.]

It's okay. I'm just... I'm tired of losing people.

[And how long until she loses him too?]

[ He kind of hovers there until she does relax, then properly settles in. ]

I understand.

Before here, it always seemed easier to keep people at a distance. Not as easy to hurt me that way. Lonely, sure. But safer...

Sometimes it does feel easier, doesn't it? Just you against the world.

Exactly. [She ducks her head, burying it a bit into his shoulder.] I know it wasn't good for me. Being alone. But seems like that's where I'm gonna end up anyway, right? Eventually. [She knows she's rambling now.] You'll leave too. Or I will. Or you'll realize what a mess I am and that I'm not worth risking a citation for when you've got Andy and... I met Ray on the train, so I know you've got him too.

[And maybe she feels jealous. Even though it's fucking stupid to be.]

[ He smooths his hand over his hair, just trying to make it clear that regardless of what may happen, he's here now. ]

I have to thank you, Faith.

Thank me? [she peaks her head up to look at him, confused.]

For allowing me to spend this time with you. Even though it might cause you pain. Even though you're afraid. I feel ... very honoured.

[she feels her cheeks heat.] Well, you're welcome.

I cannot imagine deciding that the risk of an unjust punishment from a nonsensical and inhumane government could ever outweigh the value of your presence in my life, or the privilege that you grant me by letting me hold you in my arms. And the fact that there are other people I love and care for by no means diminishes how much I love and care for you.

[ His voice is low and steady, but the words come slow and a little halting—even if the sentences themselves are reasonably eloquent, he says them a bit awkwardly, a bit shyly. It's difficult to talk about his feelings like this, but it seems important right now to make the effort. ]

Edited 2022-11-19 16:32 (UTC)

[Her breathing grows a little unsteady as he talks, emotions welling up in her. Faith is still fucking terrified and worried, but hearing him talk helps even if it makes her want to cry.]

Before you got there I thought about pushing you away to protect myself somehow... to tell you not to bother with me. Something. [Faith still doesn't entirely believe she's worthy of love. Dinah leaving had brought that feeling up in full force.] But I can't do it. The idea of hurting you makes me physically ill. And I don't want to let you go. I can't.

I can't tell you had glad I am to hear it.

You should be. [She jokes, laughing despite her shaky breath, bumping her elbow playfully into his side.] I'm amazing.

[Maybe if she says that last part enough she'll actually start to believe it.]

I had noticed that, yes.

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rockypath - 2022-11-20 17:01 (UTC) - Expand

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understood - 2022-11-20 17:07 (UTC) - Expand