Easier said than done. I've beat myself up for so long, that I'm an a real pro at it.
[She wraps moves closer wrapping a Snuggied arm around Andy's waist, staring out a far window where she can see the woods that are around the house.]
I dunno. You're being a pretty good sounding board yourself. Don't sell yourself short. [Not that she doesn't already plan to talk with Benton about this.] I am glad I told Benton what I did before all of this came out. So he didn't learn about it from Buffy...
[She would have worried herself sick that he would have rejected her for it. Not that Fraser was the type to do that out of hand, the fear would be there still.]
I think Ben would've been fine. I mean, I don't think you owe anyone your background, and I don't think he'd have felt entitled to the whole thing, even if he'd learned about it from that post.
[ Andy didn't know any of it. And it's not that he doubted Buffy's account— he didn't because Faith's the sort of person who'd have yelled bullshit if it had been bullshit, but also Duplicity gives people plenty of opportunity to be assholes while providing plausible deniability, and Faith hasn't taken any of them.
So while Buffy told the truth about what happened, she was obviously wrong about who Faith is now. ]
That said, Ben values honesty, and he's the most trustworthy guy I know, plus, it's nicer to let people in, I think. Give someone the means to hurt you and knowing they won't.
[She ducks her head, tugging her snuggie closer and clutching the bottle.]
Back home. I don't... I don't have many people. Really only one. The one who helped me crawl my way back. Angel. I didn't let anyone else in. Always seemed easier at the time, but then I just ended up being alone.
I still expect people to leave me or betray me. For most of my life, it's been one or the other, yanno?
[She takes a long swig from the bottle.]
That's really been the only good thing about this place. I have people. People that checked on me after this. Ben, you, Dinah, people I barely even know too...
Trusting people is terrifying, even when you're a sheltered guy who's never seriously been hurt.
[ He's speaking about himself. Andy'll let almost anyone go at him with a riding crop, but back home, his secrets are reserved for a handful of people. ]
It's a learning process, and there's always this awareness that on paper, trust is a bad call. You're giving someone your kryptonite and hoping they won't use it against you.
It's not like keeping myself locked away was really helping me. Pushing people away is what led me to betray Buffy. Among other things. That doesn't mean it's not still scary. I just know now that the alternative is worse...
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
[She wraps moves closer wrapping a Snuggied arm around Andy's waist, staring out a far window where she can see the woods that are around the house.]
I dunno. You're being a pretty good sounding board yourself. Don't sell yourself short. [Not that she doesn't already plan to talk with Benton about this.] I am glad I told Benton what I did before all of this came out. So he didn't learn about it from Buffy...
[She would have worried herself sick that he would have rejected her for it. Not that Fraser was the type to do that out of hand, the fear would be there still.]
no subject
[ Andy didn't know any of it. And it's not that he doubted Buffy's account— he didn't because Faith's the sort of person who'd have yelled bullshit if it had been bullshit, but also Duplicity gives people plenty of opportunity to be assholes while providing plausible deniability, and Faith hasn't taken any of them.
So while Buffy told the truth about what happened, she was obviously wrong about who Faith is now. ]
That said, Ben values honesty, and he's the most trustworthy guy I know, plus, it's nicer to let people in, I think. Give someone the means to hurt you and knowing they won't.
no subject
Back home. I don't... I don't have many people. Really only one. The one who helped me crawl my way back. Angel. I didn't let anyone else in. Always seemed easier at the time, but then I just ended up being alone.
I still expect people to leave me or betray me. For most of my life, it's been one or the other, yanno?
[She takes a long swig from the bottle.]
That's really been the only good thing about this place. I have people. People that checked on me after this. Ben, you, Dinah, people I barely even know too...
[It means more than she can really express.]
no subject
[ He's speaking about himself. Andy'll let almost anyone go at him with a riding crop, but back home, his secrets are reserved for a handful of people. ]
It's a learning process, and there's always this awareness that on paper, trust is a bad call. You're giving someone your kryptonite and hoping they won't use it against you.
no subject
[She wraps her snuggie tighter around her.]
I just... I hope she doesn't hate me forever.
no subject
[ Andy squeezes her tightly for a moment, before loosening his hold a little. ]
Just give her time and space.