[ It's very easy for Andy to just wrap an arm around her and let her lean in. Really, all he needed to know about Faith to trust her implicitly is that she's with Ben, that's the bottom line. She trusts Ben, Ben trusts her, so Andy's all for doing his best. ]
It's not like meeting a younger version of someone who's your friend now but you hurt before is a thing people are taught how to deal with. Maybe you should've told her, but you couldn't have known if she'd remember, or how much she'd remember, or even if her version of you was actually you.
You didn't want to hurt her. And I think that makes a lot of sense, you can take responsibility for the hurt you caused before, but the hurt going on right now isn't on you.
There's so much that's happened between where she is and where I am now. Things that don't even have to do with the two of us. Things I didn't tell her either. Things that will hurt her to know. I couldn't tell her those things either and I wasn't sure I should.
[How did one tell someone that their mother died? Or that they died too and got resurrected? That had been even harder to approach.]
[She stays there in quiet contemplation for a moment to really think about it.] I mean, I can't know for sure but I don't think I'd have wanted her to tell me anything...?
I don't think I'd like to know either, but if I knew there was something to know, I'd lose my entire mind until I knew it. It's a tricky situation, and you can only do your best with the information available to you.
And it sounds like you did, so I don't think there's anything to beat yourself up about.
[ He doesn't know everything, but he does believe Faith did the best she could, and possibly that not telling Buffy was harder for her than it would've been to spill everything. ]
Also, just— as a future thing from someone who is relatively well-versed in guilt. The option that makes you feel worse isn't always the best option, and you're allowed to get a sounding board. Ben's a good one.
Easier said than done. I've beat myself up for so long, that I'm an a real pro at it.
[She wraps moves closer wrapping a Snuggied arm around Andy's waist, staring out a far window where she can see the woods that are around the house.]
I dunno. You're being a pretty good sounding board yourself. Don't sell yourself short. [Not that she doesn't already plan to talk with Benton about this.] I am glad I told Benton what I did before all of this came out. So he didn't learn about it from Buffy...
[She would have worried herself sick that he would have rejected her for it. Not that Fraser was the type to do that out of hand, the fear would be there still.]
I think Ben would've been fine. I mean, I don't think you owe anyone your background, and I don't think he'd have felt entitled to the whole thing, even if he'd learned about it from that post.
[ Andy didn't know any of it. And it's not that he doubted Buffy's account— he didn't because Faith's the sort of person who'd have yelled bullshit if it had been bullshit, but also Duplicity gives people plenty of opportunity to be assholes while providing plausible deniability, and Faith hasn't taken any of them.
So while Buffy told the truth about what happened, she was obviously wrong about who Faith is now. ]
That said, Ben values honesty, and he's the most trustworthy guy I know, plus, it's nicer to let people in, I think. Give someone the means to hurt you and knowing they won't.
[She ducks her head, tugging her snuggie closer and clutching the bottle.]
Back home. I don't... I don't have many people. Really only one. The one who helped me crawl my way back. Angel. I didn't let anyone else in. Always seemed easier at the time, but then I just ended up being alone.
I still expect people to leave me or betray me. For most of my life, it's been one or the other, yanno?
[She takes a long swig from the bottle.]
That's really been the only good thing about this place. I have people. People that checked on me after this. Ben, you, Dinah, people I barely even know too...
Trusting people is terrifying, even when you're a sheltered guy who's never seriously been hurt.
[ He's speaking about himself. Andy'll let almost anyone go at him with a riding crop, but back home, his secrets are reserved for a handful of people. ]
It's a learning process, and there's always this awareness that on paper, trust is a bad call. You're giving someone your kryptonite and hoping they won't use it against you.
It's not like keeping myself locked away was really helping me. Pushing people away is what led me to betray Buffy. Among other things. That doesn't mean it's not still scary. I just know now that the alternative is worse...
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It's not like meeting a younger version of someone who's your friend now but you hurt before is a thing people are taught how to deal with. Maybe you should've told her, but you couldn't have known if she'd remember, or how much she'd remember, or even if her version of you was actually you.
You didn't want to hurt her. And I think that makes a lot of sense, you can take responsibility for the hurt you caused before, but the hurt going on right now isn't on you.
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[How did one tell someone that their mother died? Or that they died too and got resurrected? That had been even harder to approach.]
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[ He really has no idea. Ben's from the past, but Andy doesn't know him, he can just tell him to buy some Amazon stock. ]
If your situations were reversed, if she was the one from the future, what would you want?
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And it sounds like you did, so I don't think there's anything to beat yourself up about.
[ He doesn't know everything, but he does believe Faith did the best she could, and possibly that not telling Buffy was harder for her than it would've been to spill everything. ]
Also, just— as a future thing from someone who is relatively well-versed in guilt. The option that makes you feel worse isn't always the best option, and you're allowed to get a sounding board. Ben's a good one.
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[She wraps moves closer wrapping a Snuggied arm around Andy's waist, staring out a far window where she can see the woods that are around the house.]
I dunno. You're being a pretty good sounding board yourself. Don't sell yourself short. [Not that she doesn't already plan to talk with Benton about this.] I am glad I told Benton what I did before all of this came out. So he didn't learn about it from Buffy...
[She would have worried herself sick that he would have rejected her for it. Not that Fraser was the type to do that out of hand, the fear would be there still.]
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[ Andy didn't know any of it. And it's not that he doubted Buffy's account— he didn't because Faith's the sort of person who'd have yelled bullshit if it had been bullshit, but also Duplicity gives people plenty of opportunity to be assholes while providing plausible deniability, and Faith hasn't taken any of them.
So while Buffy told the truth about what happened, she was obviously wrong about who Faith is now. ]
That said, Ben values honesty, and he's the most trustworthy guy I know, plus, it's nicer to let people in, I think. Give someone the means to hurt you and knowing they won't.
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Back home. I don't... I don't have many people. Really only one. The one who helped me crawl my way back. Angel. I didn't let anyone else in. Always seemed easier at the time, but then I just ended up being alone.
I still expect people to leave me or betray me. For most of my life, it's been one or the other, yanno?
[She takes a long swig from the bottle.]
That's really been the only good thing about this place. I have people. People that checked on me after this. Ben, you, Dinah, people I barely even know too...
[It means more than she can really express.]
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[ He's speaking about himself. Andy'll let almost anyone go at him with a riding crop, but back home, his secrets are reserved for a handful of people. ]
It's a learning process, and there's always this awareness that on paper, trust is a bad call. You're giving someone your kryptonite and hoping they won't use it against you.
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[She wraps her snuggie tighter around her.]
I just... I hope she doesn't hate me forever.
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[ Andy squeezes her tightly for a moment, before loosening his hold a little. ]
Just give her time and space.